The Unspoken Taboos of Motherhood

And Why It's Time We Talk About Them

There’s a quiet weight many mothers carry. Not just the weight of sleepless nights or overflowing laundry baskets, But the invisible weight of all the things we think we shouldn’t feel.

The guilt, the grief for who we were before, the longing for space, the fear that we’re not doing it “right.”

But what if none of this made us bad mothers? What if the problem isn’t how we feel, but that we’ve been told we shouldn’t feel it?

And I want to say clearly, for every mother who’s ever felt confused, exhausted, guilty, or simply human: It’s OK to not feel OK. It’s OK to love your child and also miss your freedom. It’s OK to talk about it.

The Myth of the “Good Mother”

So many of us grow up with the image of the “good mother.”  She’s patient, endlessly nurturing, selfless, calm, and happy. She knows how to handle tantrums without losing her temper. She breastfeeds with joy. She gives everything and asks for nothing.

But here’s the truth: this image is not real. It’s a fantasy stitched together by generations of silence, filtered social media posts, outdated expectations, and deep internalized pressure. And it’s hurting us.

When I became a mother, I expected to feel love, and I did. But I also felt lost. I missed my freedom, I missed being spontaneous, I missed myself. And for a while, I didn’t talk about it. I thought it meant something was wrong with me. It took time (and lots of kindness) to realize: nothing was wrong. I was just a new mother, having a very human experience in a world full of unrealistic expectations.

When we believe this version of motherhood is the only way to be “good,” we end up hiding. We pretend we’re fine when we’re not. We judge ourselves for normal emotions like anger, boredom, or sadness. We stop reaching out. We think something’s wrong with us.

But really? There’s nothing wrong with you. There’s something wrong with the rules.

What We’re Not “Allowed” to Say

Here are just a few things I’ve heard from mothers- in my coaching work, in conversations, and in my own heart:

• “I love my child deeply, but I miss my independence so much.”

• “Sometimes I just want to be alone and not touched.”

• “I feel like I lost myself in motherhood and don’t know who I am anymore.”

• “I thought I’d be a different kind of mom, and I feel guilty that I’m not.”

• “I’m angry. And then I feel ashamed for being angry.”

None of these are wrong. None of them make someone a bad mother. They make someone human.

And the more we speak them out loud, the less power they hold. Shame thrives in silence. But honesty opens the door to healing.

A New Kind of Motherhood

Imagine if we raised mothers the way we try to raise children- with compassion, space to grow, and permission to feel.

What if we celebrated mothers not just for what they do, but for who they are? What if we let go of the “shoulds” and leaned into truth, curiosity, and self-connection?

Here’s what I believe:

• You can be a good mother and still need time away.

• You can love your children and still grieve parts of your old self.

• You can be strong and still struggle.

• You can ask for help. You can rest. You can say, “This is hard,” without apologizing.

  
  

Motherhood is not meant to erase you. You deserve to exist fully, alongside your role as a mother, not beneath it.

Let’s Talk About It

I’ve lived this. These taboos, these feelings- I’ve walked through them too. Becoming a mother cracked me open in ways I never expected. And even though I’ve grown so much, the journey of being real with myself is ongoing.

That’s why I write this. To remind myself, and maybe you too: we’re allowed to feel all of it. We’re allowed to be seen.

If any of this resonates with you, know that you're not alone. You’re not broken or failing. You’re simply human in a role that is complex, beautiful, exhausting, and sacred- all at once.

Let’s keep naming the taboos. Let’s make space for the full range of feelings that come with mothering. Let’s support each other not by pretending to have it all together, but by being real.

You’re allowed to show up exactly as you are. And that, in itself, is powerful.