Longing for Connection: Finding Friendship in Adult Life

Making new friends as an adult can feel surprisingly hard, and it’s one of those things many people struggle with, yet don’t often talk about.

When we’re younger, we have built-in environments for connection. School, university, sports, shared houses- all of these naturally bring people together. But adult life is different. Our time and energy are often focused on work, family, and responsibilities. And without realizing it, years can pass without forming new, meaningful friendships.

At some point, many of us feel it- the quiet longing for more connection. A friend to call for a spontaneous walk or coffee. Someone who checks in, who gets us, who sees us beyond our roles as parents, partners, or professionals.

I’ve felt this too. When I moved to a new country, I slowly let myself believe I didn’t really need new friends. I told myself I was fine- I had my partner, I was busy, I didn’t have time anyway. But deep down, something was missing. That easy, honest connection I used to have, I missed it more than I was willing to admit.

When I finally got honest with myself, everything started to shift. And if you’ve been feeling that same quiet longing, here are some things that might help:

1. Acknowledge the feeling.

It sounds simple, but it’s a big one. Let go of the idea that needing friends is childish or that you should be “fine on your own.” We’re social beings- we’re wired for connection. Wanting friends doesn’t mean you’re needy or not fulfilled in other areas. It just means you’re human.

For me, this step was crucial. The moment I stopped brushing it off and admitted, “I actually do want to meet new people,” something opened up.

2. Talk about it.

When I began sharing with others that I was looking to make new friends, I realized I wasn’t the only one. So many people were feeling the same way but just hadn’t said it out loud. Whether it’s a casual conversation or a post in a local Facebook group- just expressing that you’re open to connection can be a powerful step.

Not long ago, I posted in a few local expat groups, saying I was looking to meet other women in the area. I didn’t expect much… but the response was incredible. I met a few lovely women, and even started a little group. Just because I dared to say something.

3. Create small opportunities for connection.

As adults, friendships rarely fall into our laps. We need to create the space for them. A few ideas:

• Join a group, course, or community that genuinely interests you

• Invite someone for a walk or coffee, even if it feels a bit out of your comfort zone

• Use online spaces - local Facebook groups or hobby-based apps can be surprisingly effective

• Start something yourself - a WhatsApp group, a weekly meetup, a book circle

When I changed my mindset and started putting myself in situations where connection was possible, things began to shift. I had to be intentional, but it paid off.

4. Don’t expect instant magic.

Real friendships take time. Sometimes you’ll meet someone lovely and it just doesn’t click, that’s okay. Keep going. Think of it as planting seeds. Some will grow quickly, some slowly, and some won’t take root at all. That’s part of the process.

There were moments I felt disappointed, like maybe I was still missing that one friend I was hoping for. But every step still bring me closer.

5. Look for depth, not quantity.

You don’t need a huge social circle to feel fulfilled. A couple of real, present, mutual connections can make all the difference. I’ve learned to cherish the friendships where I feel seen and cared for, even if they’re few. It’s about quality, not numbers.

Making friends as an adult often requires courage. It means being a little vulnerable, a little brave, and a little patient. But the reward, genuine, nourishing connection, is so worth it.

If this speaks to you, let this be your gentle reminder: you’re not alone. It’s never too late to find your people. Start small. Stay open. And trust that there are others out there hoping to meet someone just like you.