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  • Writer's pictureTzuf Gur

Rediscovering Yourself: Steps to Building Self-Love and Confidence

In this blog I want to remind all of you to love yourselves and explain how important it is and why it's something we need to work on and doesn't come naturally to us.

I want to start by sharing with you my journey with self-love. After years of body image issues, self-judgment and lack of self-love I decided to change!

For me, the change happened due to the birth of my son. I had a very difficult time until I reached the point where I realized I wanted to seek therapy, and it changed my life! I learned about myself and discovered myself anew, which was both tough and amazing at the same time! One of the turning points for me was when my partner said to me, "Now it's your decision, either you sink into confusion and the feeling of losing your identity or you build a new identity for yourself that will be better for you." It made me realize that it was in my hands, that if I decided to take control and work on myself, I could make a change, and I could be better to myself. Then I started the journey of self-learning and self-love.


I'm sharing with you some of the things that helped me on this journey, which has made me love myself as I am, be confident in myself, taking up the space I deserve, and taking good care of myself! It’s important to say that it’s not an easy journey, but it’s worth the effort—the sense of relief that comes with it, the space it frees up in your mind, and the love it gives you. Of course, it’s not really a journey that ends, it’s a continual journey that becomes easier and easier.


The most important relationship we have in life is with ourselves! Yet, it seems it is always taken for granted and receives less attention. As children, we learned about relationships with friends, neighbors, siblings, parents, family, and the whole world, but rarely did anyone talk to us about our relationship with ourselves, how important it is, and how to maintain it. In this article, we will ask four important questions that will help us focus on this special and important relationship and give you tips on how to maintain and improve it.


First of all, let’s ask ourselves—how do I talk to myself? One of the most important things, in my opinion, is how we talk to and about ourselves. Think for a moment how easily you can say something negative to yourself, something you would never say to a friend. It’s important to talk to and about ourselves in a respectful and loving way, just as we do with those around us. Our consciousness picks up very well how we speak to ourselves, and changing this can be very significant. Here’s the first tip: try to notice when you talk about or to yourself in an unpleasant way, stop it and rephrase it kindly. For example, instead of saying, "How stupid I am," say, "I’m learning from this for next time." Additionally, to strengthen self-love, try to give yourself at least two compliments every day, and this way, you’ll teach your consciousness that now you are being kind to yourself and showing love to yourself.


The second question I want us to ask ourselves is—how much do I really invest in myself? Investing in myself can come in so many forms, whether it’s time—taking time for yourself to do things that are just for you—or treats—buying yourself gifts, flowers, whatever that makes you happy. Just like we invest in our relationships with others, it’s important to remember to invest in ourselves too! Tip: Set a time each week to do something that is solely for you and with yourself. For example, taking a bath, reading a book, watching a movie, shopping, going to a spa, anything you love that makes you feel good.


The third question we ask ourselves is—how well do I know myself? To learn to love myself and cultivate a healthy relationship with myself, I need to learn to know myself. Take time where you sit with yourself and learn about yourself—whether through writing, meditation, listening to podcasts, self-talk, and self-exploration (both physically and mentally). Tip: Take between 15 minutes to an hour each week (the more, the better) to spend with yourself in exploration, getting to know yourself more deeply. There are many ways to do this, and each person has the way that suits and is right for them! Don’t be afraid to experiment!


The last question is modern and practical—what am I exposed to on social media? Try to notice if who and what you’re follow makes your stomach turn, whether out of jealousy or because it touches a trigger from the past. It doesn’t matter, anyone who makes you feel bad for any reason on social media is not worth your follow and not worth you feeling bad. I recommend unfollowing and, on the other hand, also searching for people/pages that make you feel good and starting to follow them! Here are some of my recommendations:

- @melrobbins

- @livsliving1


- @alexlight_ldn


In summary, here are 10 tips for working on your relationship with yourself:


1. Give yourself at least two compliments a day.

2. Talk to yourself in a kind and respectful manner (as you would talk to a friend).

3. Treat yourself.

4. Dedicate time each week for spending time with yourself.

5. Learn about yourself.

6. Follow people on social media who make you feel good.

7. Express gratitude every day for at least one thing in your life.

8. Give yourself positive affirmations.

9. Stand in front of the mirror and marvel at the beauty you see.

10. Scatter notes around the house that remind you to love yourself (compliments, mantras...).


In conclusion, I want to say that the most important thing is that you can truly, truly love yourself, all of yourself, exactly as you are now, without changing anything physically but by changing your mindset! If you want this to happen, you need to work for it, believe in yourself and in the change, and it will happen!

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